Here’s the next in an ongoing series in which I answer random questions generated by a website. Here are this week’s questions. Feel free to give your own answers or ask your own questions in the comments.
What would be the worst thing to have a phobia of?
This question reminds me of a quote attributed to Morgan Freeman, although he never said it. “I hate the word ‘homophobia.’ It‘s not a phobia. You are not scared. You’re an asshole.” It came from a now suspended Twitter account called Tweets from god that used a picture of Freeman from the movie Bruce Almighty, where Freeman played god.
Now, granted, it has a lot more impact if you hear it in his voice.
So, by definition, I’m not going to include things that are called phobias, like homophobia or transphobia, because they do not come from fear, but rather from ignorance and hatred. Oh, they are very bad feelings to have, to be sure, but I doubt that anyone seriously starts quaking in fear on sight of member of the LGBTQ+ community.
If they did, we wouldn’t have any hate crimes because the would-be attackers would be running away.
So, if we get into true phobias, which do induce panic and anxiety if not outright terror, there’s a very long list of them. Probably the worst and most debilitating one to have, though, would be anthropophobia, which is a fear of all other people, regardless of the circumstances under which you run into them.
This includes not just random strangers, but rather everyone — friends and family included. It sounds like a perfect diagnosis for Emily Dickinson, actually. She could write you a mean poem, but would prefer to never see you in person.
It’s far different from and far worse than social phobia, which was reclassified as social anxiety disorder anyway. At least with these two, you can go outside and conduct routine business without going into a total panic attack. But if you have anthropophobia, then you should probably live alone in an isolated shack on a remote, unpopulated island, and hope that you don’t also have cynophobia.
What city would you most like to live in?
The main consideration is somewhere that’s not going to be burnt out in a heatwave, flooded by rising tides, or have more than a handful of Trump 2024 campaign signs within the county limits, with four of those preferably all being on the same property.
Then there’s the affordability issue, because this question has both “money is no object” and “you have to be able to afford it” versions.
Without regard to affordability, I’d probably opt for the Bay Area, preferably a place from which San Francisco would be easily accessible at any time, but in more of a flat, suburban layout — I’d rather have a modest house on a big lot with a pool and privacy than an in-city Victorian with multiple floors, big rooms and windows, and no yard space.
So it would definitely be either to the east or south of the City, although swimming pools don’t seem to be that common up there. San José is also an interesting option. It reminds me a lot of L.A. and the San Fernando Valley, and isn’t that far from San Francisco, either.
If we want to go realistic, then I’d have to take my California income to somewhere where it would buy me that house and yard — but since I work from home, my location is a little less important. The trick, of course, is finding a place.
I wouldn’t want to be anywhere prone to tornadoes, so that leaves out a big chunk in the middle of the country. And while I love thunderstorms and the like, those places also come with ridiculous heat and humidity in the summer. I can handle Palm Springs, even if it did get up to Death Valley temps, because there’s no water in the air and it’s easy to sweat and cool down.
But I’ve been in much cooler yet more humid weather in Texas, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York and… no thank you. a dry 110°F (43.3°C) summer day in Los Angeles is far more pleasant than a humid 95°F (35°C) summer day in Pennsylvania any day.
Okay, we can get a touch muggy in L.A. because we’re near the ocean — but the canyons between the L.A. Basin in the south and the San Fernando Valley in the north keep a nice airflow going that also helps dry the atmosphere out and, even on the hottest of days, we often get fog up along the ridgeline that is Mulholland drive, where the trip up from one side turns into the trip down into the other.
And, honestly, if the affordability thing were not an issue, I’d probably stay in L.A. and buy the house here.
If you were an actor, what kind of roles do you think you would be good at?
There’s no “if” on this one, and I know what kind of roles I’m good at. For one thing, I have an affinity and knack for playing non-human characters — a depressed bear, a Jesus figure with supernatural powers, the Grim Reaper, a zombie Pope… those are a few of my favorites that I’ve actually done.
And yes, while a couple of those were in human form, I consider their powers as putting them into an entirely different category.
When it comes to humans, I’ve discovered an ability to play ones that are awkward and easily intimidated, or who are only brave when the danger has passed. For example, I once played a friar who kept his mouth shut until after the threatening knights had left the building, and then he went off in a fiery and threatening monologue solely for the benefit of his fellow monks and the women hanging around in the cathedral.
I did this a lot in improv, too, choosing to play a so-called “low-status” character because it’s fun to be the butt-monkey in a scene. Yes, that’s a real term, although you can use “chew-toy” if you prefer.
I also love ensemble roles, because it affords a chance to work closely with fellow actors and create the background and mood that supports the leads. Hey — I’ve got no problems at all using my concentration to put focus on the most important speaker on the stage at any given moment, and it’s also a lot of fun.
Of course, I have had my time playing the villain, and in those cases I find that going 180° from who I really am is the key — big, loud, brash, and bigoted. Although, if you want to learn how to play a villain the best, go no further than studying Alan Rickman’s performance as Hans Gruber in Die Hard.
All of the best villains have two traits in common: 1) They’re the hero in their own story, period. 2) They do not show their villainy by being threatening or loud or over the top. The scariest villains smile and whisper.
What trend are you tired of?
I’m not sure whether I’m more tired of the endless parade of super-hero movies of of social media influencers. However, as Marvel starts their 4th wave, it sounds like they might be getting tired of the super-hero thing as well, and might be taking the characters but putting them in different genres.
Ironically, as a kid I was into DC but not Marvel. As an adult, I can tolerate the occasional Marvel film, but have found nothing to like in any DC movies except for both Deadpool films but, then again, he was the super-hero who could say “fuck.”
If only they could do a Deadpool/Star Lord crossover…
Now, Wandavision was good, although I could not get past the first half of the first episode of Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I haven’t ventured into Loki yet, but I probably will once all of the episodes are up.
As for the influencers, I do have to admit that there are a few TikTokkers I’ve wound up finding via Instagram and I do follow if only because I find them amusing. But, at the same time, they generally don’t seem to be trying to sell me anything, and are often genuinely funny and entertaining.
Oh, they’re probably marketing stuff out their asses and it’s just that I’m nowhere near their likely target demographic of teens. But that’s okay.
I think that the bunch which infiltrated my feed are all kind of related, and as far as I can tell, they’re based in Orange County, California. They may or may not collectively be called The Squad. But some of the names are The Stokes Twins (Alan and Alex), Brent Rivera, Ben Azelert, and Jeremy Hutchins.
Generally, they all alternate between short comedy routines, well-choreographed TikTok dances, lip-synced dialogue moments, and pranking each other. Speaking of which, I remember reading that the Stokes Twins were arrested sometime last year in Orange County for pulling a prank involve a fake bank-robbery escape through a crowded outdoor public mall, although that story vanished from the news, and they never mentioned it.
Maybe they’re actually as rich as their videos make them seem, and they just bought their way out of it.
Now, speaking of apparently rich as hell, there’s Danny Duncan, who somehow crept into my feed, and I’m very ambivalent about him. on the one hand he often comes across in his videos as very warm and genuine, and someone who truly cares about his friends and family.
On the other hand, he can quite often be a quite destructive little asshole doing his own private version of Jackass, Jr. Now, he’s almost a decade older than the squad, but I’ve watched him destroy his own Tesla intentionally, give one away to a fan in a contest, pull all kinds of stupid stunts in moving vehicles (including driving at ludicrous speeds in traffic), and destroy a door with his head.
I’m not sure exactly how he became rich and famous, either, despite trying to find the answers on-line. He sells a ridiculous amount of branded (and somewhat overpriced) merch with slogans like “Virginity Rocks,” “Fet’s Luck!” and “Big Dick Is Back,” and at at least one point in the past went on a multi-city tour with live shows that seemed to constantly sell out.
One of his other venues is Danny’s Cream Pies, which has long existed in Florida, with a restaurant made to look like a walk-up ice cream truck. His products are stupidly cheap ice cream and the like, and ridiculously expensive merch.
He opened a second store in Los Angeles earlier this month, on Fairfax near Canter’s Deli, with the same menu and prices, and during its opening weekend, the line to the door ran multiple blocks. Granted, it was stretched out by social distancing, but it was still of 70s blockbuster movie proportions.
And I’m still not sure how I feel about him. On the one hand, he’s obviously had huge success doing this, is generous with his fortune, and a generally accepting all around when it comes to age, physical ability, sexual orientation, and so on.
But he also still has that chaotic and destructive energy that often makes him just seem like a fourteen-year-old boy who can afford to destroy whatever he wants just because it’s fun.
The scary part, really, is that he has so many fans who don’t seem to have any issues with the negative parts even as they focus on the positives.
And that’s probably the biggest issue with influencers. Their influence is quite obvious and visible. Whatever entity is managing it behind the scenes is hidden.
Like I mentioned, some of them don’t even have any visible sponsors, although the branded clothing can be obvious. And a lot of them do giveaways like they’re McDonald’s or Coca-Cola. The Stokes Twins often have YouTube competitions with friends where they pay the winner $10,000, for example, and while they sell some of their own merch, they don’t seem to plug it all that often.
Still, every last one of these kids is clearly just the marketable front for someone who’s raking in the big bucks thanks to their online work. And remember what they say: If a huge company offers you something for free, beware, because what they’re really selling is you.
Influencers are just the far more subtle version of product placement and celebrity endorsements.