The return of Friday free-for-all #88: Tech, retirement, food

Friday free-for-all is back for 2022! Here are some more random questions.

Friday Free for All

Happy New Year! Now it’s time to go back to our more regular schedule, so here’s the next in an ongoing series in which I answer random questions generated by a website. Feel free to give your own answers or ask your own questions in the comments.

Does technology simplify life or make it more complicated?

Yes.

It actually does both, and it all comes down to the human user. If you know how to use the technology and do it properly, it can greatly simplify life. If you never bother to learn how to use it the right way or all the tricks and tips to making it work for you, then it will complicate your life.

I have seen this in every office job I’ve ever had. Hell, any job that involved computers, which has been all of them, not to mention copiers, fax machines back in the day, any telephone more complicated than the buttons needed to dial, smart phones now, and so on.

I’ll also toss in VCRs, DVD players, modern TVs, and anything with a built-in clock that sometimes needs to be set.

If I walk into your place and the time on your VCR is flashing “12:00,” I’m going to judge you — first for not figuring out how to do one of the simplest things on a VCR, and second for still having a goddamn VCR. (It’s sitting right next to your turntable for your vinyl collection, isn’t? Fucking hipster.)

Of course, I’ll also notice this if your stove or microwave is either flashing “12:00” or the time is arbitrarily off by any number of hours or minutes.

It’s just that most things nowadays auto-adjust themselves for the beginning and ending of Daylight Saving Time as well as reset after a power outage or battery removal/shut down. Hell, I’ve got an alarm/sleep-sound generator that has to be about fifteen years old by now, and even it self-adjusts for DST.

But, beyond that, if you’re going to be using software, take the time to learn how to get it to do what you want. Another way I judge people’s skills is by looking at a Word Document from them. then seeing if it’s set for the default font (Calibri — ech!) with the useless BS paragraph settings of 1.5 lines and 10 pts before or after each or, worse, both.

Also, they tend to never turn off the automatic double-space after a period, which is absolutely useless and wrong, or the automatic superscripting of abbreviated ordinals — st, nd, rd, and th.

Whenever I have to update or reinstall Word, these are the first things I change. In my case, it’s usually Times New Roman 12 pt, single lines, and no forced paragraph spacing, and that stupid two spaces after a period goes right off, along with the superscripts.

There are ways to tell in Excel as well, which mostly revolve around word wrapping (as in turned off) and number formatting (as in whatever the cell defaulted to.) There’s also a definite lack of complicated formula, so that someone might enter A1+B1+C1+D1+E1+F1 in a cell instead of =SUM(A1:F1).

This all falls under the category of “Tell me that you never learned to use this software properly without telling me you never learned to use this software properly.”

It has become fun, though, to watch people in Zoom meetings edit a Word doc on their screen and see that they only know one (tedious) way to do it. Type the stuff, highlight it, then find the right ribbon at the top of the screen in order to apply whatever format you’re trying to.

It’s really not that hard to memorize the essential shortcut keys which has the great advantage of not interrupting your typing flow. If I want to go to bold mid-sentence, I don’t have to do the highlight, pick from the menu, and click BS. I can literally turn it on and off with a two-key combo.

Incidentally, it seems like the higher up someone is, the less they know about how to use technology — or when not to. Most of the productivity software they pick (and I’ve dealt with this for years) actually makes it harder for the team to function, not easier.

So, as with a lot of things, what you get out of technology is what you put into it. Bother to learn it and it will reward you. Shirk off, and you’ll wind up hating it.

When do you want to retire, and what do you want to do after you retire?

Well, being a creative person, this is kind of a trick question. When it comes to working at being creative, writing every day, and so on, then I am never going to retire. I am going to do this until the day they have to pry my keyboard from under my cold, dead hands.

As for when would I want to retire from selling my time to someone else for money, that’s also going to be a while. First, I do like the money coming in, and right now it’s for what I’d be doing anyway. It’s also nice to be able to work remotely so that I could theoretically live anywhere in the world as long as I had an internet connection.

I’m probably going to be doing the working for someone else thing for as long as they’ll have me or until I win enough in a lottery to be able to buy a modest home somewhere and cover my living expenses for thirty or forty years (with other retirement contingencies padding that out.)

As for what I’d like to do after I retire, the big thing would be to expand my creativity, since I’d finally have the time to get back to graphic arts and design, music, and video production — all of which are very time-consuming — but all of which could also come together into one big project or a series of projects written, directed, filmed, edited, scored, and produced by me.

Oh — on top of time-consuming also very expensive, unless you luck into a good prosumer editing program with regular and cheap updates (which I did), and your ancient graphics editing software continues to be compatible with newer computers (which it finally didn’t.)

The one advantage to having used the latter for so long, by the way, was that I was having to figure out how to do things that had long since been turned into new functions in later versions, like auto-masking foreground objects, color matching, and so forth.

What food do you absolutely hate?

I know that you’re probably expecting something specific, like brussels sprouts, but that’s not what I’m going to list. I mean, I could rattle off green beans, string beans, beets, cauliflower, olives (black or red), most fruit that hasn’t been turned into juice or jelly (it’s a texture thing), and definitely melons of all kinds.

But that’s not what I’m going to list here.

No. The food that I absolutely hate is any kind of “dare you to like” culinary bullshit that oozes out of the fetid taste of some pretentious chef (especially of the celebrity kind) and particularly if the word “gastro” appears anywhere in the name of the establishment and/or on the menu.

If I see a place advertised as a gastro-pub, I run the other way for two reasons. One, I know that I’m not going to like the food at all. Two, I know that I’m not going to like the people who do.

These chefs have an amazing ability to take classic fare and absolutely ruin it. Just searching at random, I found one place offering a “Ruben” sandwich (it’s actually Reuben), that pays lip service to shaved pastrami, coleslaw, and horseradish, but then uses something called “sour cherry Dijon mustard,” which is exactly the abomination it sounds like and then, instead of putting it on rye, uses something called “townie focaccia,” which is exactly the wrong kind of bread.

And, trust me, nobody can fuck up a good cheeseburger like one of these gastrolls can. They’ll either seem to be going along normally until the last ingredient, which makes it inedible — like you’re reading along and it sounds great until they add mint-infused Thai peanut sauce reduction — or it just goes south from the beginning, through everything and the kitchen sink on top of that poor, innocent meat.

Avoid places that use terms like infusion, reduction, sous vide, sea salt, jam or jelly in connection with anything not normally made into either, and compote, Also find out whether they ever use liquid nitrogen while “cooking,” because this is a huge red flag.

I think the only reason that these gastrochefs pull this shit is because they hate really rich people and want to play Emperor’s New Clothes with them constantly. There’s probably a constant gambling pool going on in the kitchen, too — whoever can concoct the most disgusting combination and not only get people in the restaurant to eat it and say they love it but to get a good review from a food critic for that item wins the entire pot for that week.

I’m probably not wrong, but I’m definitely not eating their shit.

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