The Saturday Morning Post #36: The Rêves, Part 14

You can catch up with the first installment of this piece here, or last week’s chapters here. It started as somewhat of an experiment. It seems to be taking the form of a supernatural thriller, set above and below the streets of Los Angeles. NOTE: Due to a scheduling error, this post did not go up at the usual time of 7 a.m. PDT.

 

Gemelos

The two of them had fled into the sky long before the storm, snaking around buildings, one alternately in pursuit of the other, neither one of them able to even touch or harm the other, but still they tangled like a pair of fighting dogs, two wisps of black smoke in the sky that most people below wouldn’t have noticed or, if they had, would have just put off to exhaust from some business or another.

One of them led off by diving down into the NoHo Metro station, then following the tunnel to Universal City Station. On the platform, they tangled and twisted until the one who seemed to be losing shot back up the seven mile tunnel to come out at Hollywood and Highland.

The chase continued down the tunnel past a bunch of stops until one of them shot above ground at the 7th Street Metro station, and then  skidded just above the sidewalk about two miles to the Los Angeles Greyhound Bus Station, where it hovered, the other wisp hesitating nearby.

The first wisp vanished inside and the second followed until they both wound up in the bus station men’s room, at which point they manifested to each other — Danny, the first wisp, clothed and angry looking; Preston, the second wisp, nude and looking alarmed.

“Who are you?” Danny demanded.

“I’m Preston,” Preston replied.

“Then who am I?” Danny asked.

“I have no idea,” Preston said. “Except I think that maybe you are me. Were me?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Danny spat.

“Well, I mean, we do look alike, right?”

“You look like a whore,” Danny said.

“What?” Preston replied. “Work clothes. And you? What are you supposed to be?”

“If I knew, I’d tell you,” Danny said.

“Okay,” Preston replied calmly. “So… what’s your name?”

“Fuck if I know,” Danny shouted. “And yours?”

“Preston LeCard,” he said. “Pleased to meet you?”

“Wait, stop, don’t tell me. I’m Tom Canty, and you’re Prince Edward.”

“Who?” Preston asked.

“Never mind. Unless you tell me that you’re rich or something.”

“Um, actually…” Preston started, then hesitated until Danny’s look made him continue on, “I’m kind of fucking loaded, really.”

“So who stole what from whom?” Danny demanded.

“I don’t know!” Preston said. “Look, this is just as confusing for me as it is for you, honestly. All I know is that I had this great career as a porn star, I made —”

“Sorry, what?” Danny asked.

“You heard me. Porn star. You know? I fucked for a living. And I made mad bank at it, and I loved doing it and, ironically, I was finally taken out by a plague that had nothing to do with the plague that used to take out gay men. Except that I kind of … stuck around? And the last thing I remember was a couple of sexy human dudes kind of … shit. If it had been a porn scene, it would have been really hot, but they basically tried to tell me I’m not who I am, and then bang, there you are. And if the idea of… what? Instant twin brother? Sudden clone? Whatever, isn’t the absolute hottest porn scene idea, then I don’t know what is.”

Danny and Preston stared at each other for a long time. Finally, Danny said, “Okay, great. You remember all kinds of shit. You know what I remember?”

“Um, no?” Preston replied.

“Okay, cool. It’s this. Not so very long ago, I woke up locked in a box with some dude who looks like me. I have no memories at all of anything before this, we both seem to be freaking out, and then we escape. And I have no idea who’s the friend, or who’s the enemy. Or who I am.”

“Well,” Preston said gently, “Apparently you’re me, except before I became the me you don’t know. And that’s the trick, really.”

“Nah,” Danny said. “The real trick is figuring out how I became the you that you seem to be, because you are not me. I’m no whore.”

“That’s kind of what I just said,” Preston replied.

“So you really believe that I was… no… that you were me once?”

“And I believe that I still am you, Danny. Shit… it’s starting to come back to me now. That’s weird. Idaho?”

“Yeah. I grew up — “

“In Emmett?” Preston continued before He could finish, Danny nodding. “I just remember that. And… oh wow… DWsub13M,” Preston said, very surprised. “I remember that handle.”

“Yeah, I did chats with that, so? Anyone on the board could have seen it.”

“Right but your password… Finn23Zack69. Right?”

There was a long silence before Danny said, “How do you know that? Are you a hacker?”

“No,” Preston said. Goddamn, those daddies were right. You are me before I became… well, me. The problem is that everyone remembers me and no one remembers you, but if you just help me remember you — ”

“Then what?” Danny replied, shying away into the corner.

“If you let me remember you so that you can remember me, well… shit. How powerful would you like to be, anyway?”

“I’d rather be alive again,” Danny said.

“Yeah, well, I’d like a unicorn,” Preston replied.

“Shit, you sound just like my sister,” Danny muttered, and suddenly Preston found himself sucked out of the present world and down a dark vortex. At the end of it, he woke up staring at a crappy bus station ceiling, realizing that for the first time since he’d died, he could smell. Unfortunately, what he could smell was the heavy stench of urine, cum, and the over-arching mint of urinal cakes — and then Danny was kneeling above him, looking down and smiling.

“I don’t know where you went, dude,” Danny said. “But I took a little walk around when you vanished, and I ran into some people. Well, I ran into the Marx Brothers and I tried to ask them what was going on, but you can imagine how useful their information was.”

“I’ve met them,” Preston said. “I know. But you can’t blame them, because they’re trapped in their characters.”

“Kind of a reminder of how annoying movie characters would be in real life, right?”

“Except porn stars,” Preston quipped.

“Anyway, next I ran into that dude from the Christmas movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, and he was actually helpful. He explained a lot to me.”

“Yeah, really,” Danny replied. “Hey, I don’t know where you went when you blinked out, duded. But I’m glad you came back. Now, I think I understand, and there’s kind of two options.”

“Really?” Preston said.

“Number one, we just moosh together and forget all this shit and become one person again.”

“Not a bad idea, right?” Preston asked.

“You’d think, but… no. The other option is stay apart, each of us becomes who we really were, because we’re going to need to double up to take on the forces of evil.”

“And who would they be?” Preston asked.

“Oddly enough, it’s a two-front war,” Danny said. “On the human side, it’s some genocidal human asshole in Pasadena. On the Rêve side, it’s the woman who pretends to be your mother.”

And what do we lose if we moosh?” Preston asked.

“Bascially,” Danny replied, “Everything. Oh, right. I forgot to mention the other part.”

“There’s another part?” Preston asked.

“Sure,” Danny replied, “Or didn’t you see the sky where you were?”

Preston shook his head and Danny took him outside where they looked west and saw the lightning. Then he looked at Danny, who just grabbed him.

“So… self-preservation over any stupid argument. Agreed?”

Preston hesitated for a second, then nodded. Just as he did, the storm front swept over them and the rain and hail came down, although it couldn’t touch them. For some reason, it went around them, creating silhouettes in the falling drops that would point them out to any humans there to see them had there been any humans on the streets at all.

But Danny and Preston could see what no human could, and that was that this was no normal storm. They could see the wraith-like presence that was actually controlling it, a darkly luminescent shimmering blue haze that both permeated the cloud and led it.

“What is it?” Preston asked.

“My god, that movie dude was right. He said that the real danger would be if somebody warned… what did he call them? Silvester…? Or sometimes Pearl? Anyway… yeah, that. This is what he warned about.”

“So what does that mean?” Preston demanded.

“We’re all fucked,” Danny replied as he grabbed Preston, held him tight, and the two of them dropped through the ground until they hit the Metro tunnel, then shot up it to Union Station and, from there, into the local highlands above downtown on what were called The Avenues.

The Rêves had their own warning network, although the message was basically to avoid certain areas. Although Las hadas silvestres were not mentioned at all, the idea that the Rêves were in no danger from what was happening was. The main points were to stay out of the Metro, away from Cemeteries, and to avoid Pasadena entirely.

The Avenues actually weren’t that far from Pasadena, at least street-wise, but they were sufficiently above it.

By the time that Preston and Danny had taken refuge in an overgrown backyard behind a very old house in Mt. Washington, they decided that they were going to remain apart for now. As Danny pointed out, “Strength in numbers.”

“Also,” Preston said, “I’ve always wanted to fuck my identical twin.”

“Stop it you,” Danny said, more playful than annoyed. “Okay, we’ll fuck if we get out of this alive…”

“That’s kind of impossible, isn’t it?” Preston said. Danny just smirked back.

Then they did all that they could do, which was just to wait out the passing storm — that is, if it ever did pass.

* * *

Parlay

In a lot of ways, Anabel really appreciated the ironic symmetry in the storm that Pearl unleashed because, just as none of the Rêves ever received any demands or ransom notes from the humans, they and Las hadas could not send their own demands back, at least not in any way that the humans would understand.

All they could do was kidnap the weather and ravish the landscape. And that’s when Anabel realized the irony of Pearl’s words, that they would warn the humans. A sudden but unprecedented storm would not come across as a supernatural warning, at least not to any sane or rationale humans.

The only way that Anabel could warn them was to get herself caught again, and she wasn’t about to waltz into Ausmann’s arms, especially not after she had tipped him off to size being a factor in how effective their traps were.

But, she realized, if she could get Pearl to bring him above ground, away from his laboratory and technology, and place them on equal footing outside, then maybe she could deliver the message.

As soon as she thought it, she heard Pearl’s voice in her head. “Then take us where he’s at, man, and we’ll show him where it’s at, dig?”

Anabel wasn’t sure whether it was her imagination or not, but what did she have to lose? It wasn’t that hard a trip — just under seven miles in a straight line just about exactly north east, and only passing under one isolated mountain on the way.

So she headed from Glendale to Pasadena, even though the storm hadn’t gotten this far east yet, then hovered around where she had come up above Ausmann’s lab. But something seemed wrong. The place was eerily dark, with none of the buildings illuminated, and only the streetlights along the internal roads and parking lots providing any light at all.

She decided to take a chance and go underground, finding that she hadn’t missed Ausmann’s hidden complex by that much, but then venturing in while not manifesting to find it apparently abandoned. As she wandered its halls and through offices and labs, all she saw were empty work stations, all the equipment turned off, and everything bathed in a deep red light that came from LED strips set in the baseboards.

“Well, this is weird,” she thought.

She wandered around until she found a lobby with what were clearly elevator doors, keeping her distance from those, and went to the security station nearby, which had several large metal detectors in a row with double doors on each side and that’s when she saw the sign taped to the first door of the first detector.

“MANDATORY EVAC ORDER,” it read. The rest of it was typical gov-speak gibberish that took way too many words to passively state what could have been simply put: “The weather is fucked, so get the hell out of here. We are shutting everything down.”

And it wasn’t just Ausmann’s little project. It was all of JPL. It was so serious, in fact, that the notice ended with the scare words “SERIOUS FEDERAL CRIME” above some official-looking seal with an eagle on it.

“Ooh,” Anabel thought. “What are you going to do? Arrest me?”

Her other thought was, “I died in the 1920s, and the Federal Government still hasn’t upped their art game at all?”

But if no one was here, then where was Ausmann? How was she going to find him?

Reluctantly — because if anyone would defy the threat of being charged with a federal crime it would be him — she found her way down to his office.

Now the real trick was to figure out where he lived from what was available. The catch was that none of the electronic devices would turn on. Not that Anabel even knew how they worked, but she’d tried to turn on a lamp only to realize that all power had been cut.

That was when Anabel proceeded to do what any good 1920s detective would do, and she started going through drawers. Yes, they were difficult to move, but Rêves did have some ability to manipulate objects.

Most of them were full of random office supplies, way too many Post-It pads, boxes of staples, and promotional pens. Further down, she found file folders of documents that were at least a decade old.

And then, she found a birthday card, in an envelope. The card itself read “Happy Birthday Grandpa!” and her mind boggled at the idea that Ausmann was human enough to have reproduced at least once. But then she looked at the postmark to see that it was only a year old.

Then she looked at the address. Motherfucker lived in some place called the Simi Valley, which she’d never even heard of. But at least she had an address, and that was enough. She couldn’t take the envelope with her, but she could imprint the information on her hand and make it stick, so then she flew back up to emerge from underground, feeling triumphant.

“I found that son of a bitch, Pearl,” Anabel muttered to herself, and it was like a sudden warm and loving wind embraced her.

“Simi Valley?” Anabel heard Pearl’s voice in her head. “Yeah, that fucking figures. Let’s go.”

“Where?” Anabel asked.

“Thirty-five miles west. Where the white people went when the brown and black people scared them. Don’t ask.”

Suddenly, Anabel was flying over a mountain, across the Valley, across more mountains, and then down into a normal-looking suburban area that was already being heavily lashed by the storm. She landed on the front lawn of a perfectly tacky 60s-era ranch house, then heard Pearl’s voice in her ear.

“Go get him,” they said.

“But how?” Anabel asked.

That one didn’t get any answer. She decided on the obvious method, even if it was totally stereotypical, and just walked through the wall and into the living room, where Ausmann and a woman, presumably his wife, sat in silence, the room only lit by the glow of the large screen TV on the far wall, tuned in to the weather report.

Ausmann’s wife looked as dour and unpleasant as he did. “We need to evacuate?” she muttered.

“Ridiculous,” Ausmann replied. “Typical media sensationalism.”

“We’re not that far from Malibu as the crow flies,” his wife said.

“The storm is moving west from Malibu, not north. It’ll never get here.”

The house rattled with a sudden thunderbolt from the south and Anabel decided to make her presence known. She popped over in front of the TV and manifested, being sure to glow for visibility.

“The storm is already here,” she said. As if on cue, lighting began to flash outside, the thunder coming sooner and louder with each moment.

“Get out of my house!” Ausmann demanded.

“We’ve come to deliver a message,” Anabel said.

“We?” Ausmann replied.

“Don’t you hear them?” she answered, gesturing. Now, the lighting was close enough that they could actually hear the electricity scorching the air and almost feel its heat. The thunder came within a split second of the lightning.

Outside at the foot of the driveway, a tree suddenly shattered under a direct hit, scattering bits of bark and splinters of wood all over the place, leaving a split and smoldering trunk and dropping several limbs to the street.

Their conversation turned into a shouting match because it was the only way to be heard, especially after the hail arrived moments later and began pelting everything.

“What’s the message?” Ausmann demanded. “Thor is pissed off?”

“The message is: Leave us alone,” she said. “Whatever you’re doing, stop it.”

“I’d love to be able to,” Ausmann said, “But there are reasons I can’t.”

“Like?”

“Like reasons I can’t tell you. Classified.”

“I don’t care,” Anabel said. “Neither do they. Stop what you’re doing.”

“And are all of you going to stop what you’re doing?”

“All we’re doing is existing,” she replied.

“No, you’ve been leaking into our world despite the agreement you made with us thirty years ago.”

“You’ve been pulling us into it against our will!” she insisted.

“I’m not the one you have to negotiate with,” he explained.

“We’re not negotiating,” she replied.

“Which ‘we?’ The Rêves?”

“We brought someone to negotiate with us.”

“Really?” he scoffed. “Who?”

“Who do you think is causing this storm?”

“I already guessed Thor,” he replied. “Should I have said Zeus instead?”

“Stop what you’re doing to us now!” Anabel shrieked over the non-stop thunder.

“No!” Ausmann shot back, stepping toward her, and then she caught a glimpse of what he had snuck into his right hand — one of those small traps, open and ready to spring.

She shot up through the ceiling and crawl-space under the roof and out into the night sky and the crashing hail.

“Tear it down,” she called out to Pearl. “He’s refusing.”

As she headed back to Glendale, the storm intensified, and lightning started to strike the house, blowing off shingles. Ausmann turned and ran for the hidden staircase, seeing that his wife was nowhere in sight.

He headed down to the basement and their hidden panic room, because of course they had one — practically everyone with money in Simi did — and he entered his code in the door panel.

It slid open and he stepped inside, to find that his wife was already there. As the door slid shut and locked again, everything shook and there was a resounding boom. Outside, the power went off, the various monitors showing everything inside the house going dark.

At least the power supply down here was still working, and they had at leasat six weeks’ worth between the batteries, capacitors, and propane powered generators, which they would go through in that order, unless at least two of the solar panels on the roof held and stayed connected, in which case they’d go through none of it.

“Was that a ghost?” Coraline finally asked him.

“Yes and no,” he said.

“Is it gone?”

“Yes,” he replied, staring at the monitors and watching as the cameras went out one by one.

Up top, half of the house was in flames and a sudden gust of wind tore the roof off of the garage and sent it sailing down the street. Lightning continued to pummel what was left standing, and hail the size of baseballs started to drop into the now exposed garage, pounding both of the cars in there until their roofs were practically touching tops of the window wells in the doors.

A couple of bolts of lightning turned a third of the water in the pool into steam, cracking the concrete walls and letting the rest ooze its way out into the ground. Another lucky strike breached the propane canister on the gas grill and sent it rocketing into the air on a jet of escaping fuel. It came back down right into the windshield of Coraline’s SUV.

The escape room held because it was supposed to — it had been designed and built by the same crew that had constructed Ausmann’s laboratory under JPL after all. But it wasn’t too long before all connections to the outside had gone dark with the exception of the underground cable that tied into the internet.

Ausmann streamed the news and watched the “Special Bulletin — Breaking” announcement about the sudden freak offshoot of the storm that was pummeling Simi Valley.

Although, in the morning, there would be only one house in his neighborhood that looked like a tornado had swept it away.

* * *
 
Image source: Gemelli by Jacopo Montano from Atlas Coelestis, John Flamsteed (1729), used under licence via (CC BY-SA 3.0)

The Saturday Morning Post #35: The Rêves, Part 13

You can catch up with the first installment of this piece here, or last week’s chapters here. It started as somewhat of an experiment. It seems to be taking the form of a supernatural thriller, set above and below the streets of Los Angeles.

The Tempest

Brenda and Jonah’s neighborhood did have one advantage over most of the Culver City area — although it technically was part of Los Angeles and not Culver City. The advantage was that it was on the western edge of an area called the Baldwin Hills, which was an oddly out-of-place lump of mountain in the middle of a part of the L.A. basin that was otherwise generally flat all the way to the ocean in two directions, Rancho Palos Verdes to the southwest being the other exception, but it happened to actually touch the ocean forming a sort of elevated mesa above the crashing surf.

But what this height difference really gave Blair Hills was an incredible view of everything out to Marina del Rey and the Pacific beyond. On a very clear day and from the right spot on the hiking trail west of the neighborhood, they could actually see the water, or at least a thin blue strip that curved off to the horizon. On some days, it even sparkled.

In the evening, especially when the Sun set late, Brenda and Jonah liked to leave the kids with her mother and hike out as far as they could, put down a blanket, then just sit and watch the expanse of the silent city, the distant ocean, and the changing of the sky and clouds from cyan and white to orange and gray to dull red and almost black, then a final deep blue before the stars started to appear and before the sky finally went as black as it could over the L.A. Basin — which wasn’t much.

On some nights, they were treated to an extra show as a waning Moon would set not long after her brother Sun. On others, the full Moon would rise behind them even as the Sun left, and if they looked the other way, they could watch as it appeared and loomed huge over the other side of the neighborhood — although they had to stay up later for that one because the neighborhood itself blocked a lot of the view to the east until the Moon was probably at least 30 degrees in the sky.

This evening, the distant clouds over the ocean had grown very dark and ominous, but Brenda and Jonah didn’t really pay any attention to them because they were so far away. Instead, they focused on what they usually did when they came out here.

Brenda had dubbed it “Grievance and Reconciliation Time,” something she had learned from an interpersonal relationship class given by the county, and the idea was that each of them was free to bring up something that was bothering them in a neutral, non-judgmental and non-blaming way. Meanwhile, the other one would use active listening to restate the issue as they understood it, and they would continue this process until they both agreed that they understood it the same way.

Next, the other partner would explain the issue from their point of view — again without judging or blaming, although obviously not neutral — the partner with the grievance would do their active listening bit, and it would continue until they both agreed.

The third part was the hardest, but it also turned out to be the most beneficial. The partner with the grievance would explain why they were wrong based on the other partner’s POV, then the other partner would do likewise. This would wrap up with aggrieved partner explaining what they could do to not be bothered, and the other partner explaining what they could do to eliminate the grievance.

The typical result was a compromise between them that, in retrospect, was so bone-headedly stupid obvious that they should have just seen it from the get-go.

Taking a completely trivial complaint, a typical session in brief might go like this: Brenda always serves peas with dinner, but Jonah really hates peas, and he’s mentioned it before. Now, the wrong way for him to complain is to say something like, “Why do you always have to serve peas? I hate peas, and you know it. Are you just trying to piss me off?”

Instead, the conversation would go more like this:

Jonah: “I’m really bothered whenever we sit down to dinner and I see peas on my plate, because I have never liked peas since I was a child.”

Brenda: “So, you’re saying you don’t want peas with dinner at all?”

Jonah: “Just not with my dinner.”

Brenda: “So I should never cook peas again?”

Jonah: “No. I just shouldn’t have them on my plate.”

Brenda: “So, you don’t like peas, and you don’t want them with your dinner?”

Jonah: “Exactly.”

Ding! And on to phase two.

Brenda: “The reason I serve peas all the time is because they are very cheap, have a very long shelf-life and, surprisingly, it’s one vegetable that all of our kids will eat.”

Jonah: “So I have to eat like our kids?”

Brenda: “No. I just do it to be economical and convenient.”

Jonah: “So it’s peas because it makes it easier for you, and costs us less?”

Brenda: “Yes.”

Ding! Phase three.

Jonah: “Then I guess I should just learn to love peas — ”

(This would be considered a foul)

Jonah (as Brenda): “Maybe I can find a vegetable that you and the kids like?”

Brenda (as Jonah): “Maybe I could be a little more adventurous in what I eat?”

Usually, this is the point when they’d look at each other and laugh.

“Well, shit, honey,” Brenda would say. “I do tend to just dump ‘em on all the plates, right? I suppose serving bowls wouldn’t be out of order.”

“So I don’t have to take them if I don’t want them?” Jonah said.

“Exactly,” Brenda replied. “And I could cook up a mess of vegetables that you do like.”

“Then steam me up some baby carrots every night… baby.”

Of course, this being a hypothetical, it all happened very easily and smoothly. In real life? Not so much and not always, and the subject of Malia was one that Brenda had still not been able to crack with Jonah.

It had taken them several rounds to get him to agree to call her Malia in the first place, after she broke down his resistance to the idea that Malia changing her name was just disrespecting their greatest president. Brenda had to remind Jonah that President Obama would have been on their daughter’s side.

Which was the kind of thing that just brought up the next issue. While Jonah would call Malia by her name, he still referred to her as his son, at least when Malia wasn’t around, only using, “Hey you!” or “Mal” when she was present.

Tonight, as they sat on the bluff watching the distant sea, Brenda tried again.

“I want to do anything I can to make sure that Malia has a safe and happy life, but I get very upset when people do not acknowledge or accept her choice and her reality.”

“So you want to do anything at all to support Malia,” Jonah said, “And will do what you can to defend our youngest son.”

Even though it was against the rules, Brenda let out a heavy sigh, although she refrained from saying No. She paused, then tried again. “I want to do anything I can to make sure that our youngest daughter has a safe and happy life, but I get very upset when people do not acknowledge or accept her choice and her reality.”

Jonah said nothing for a long time, just staring off at the ocean, Brenda staring at him. Finally, he practically whispered, “Baby, you know I just can’t. Not yet.”

“So we’re not even going to try to reconcile this tonight?” she asked him, sadly.

“Look, I’ve told you all this before. This isn’t about which way the TP goes on the roll or where we’re taking the next family vacation, or why you don’t like spending time with my parents, or why I think you get jealous too much… we got past all of that. But this one…”

“This one is about one of our children, Jonah,” Brenda replied calmly. “One that we should love as much as the others.”

“I do. I do love Malia,” Jonah said. “I love him as much — ”

“Then why do you use the wrong pronouns?”

“I’m from a different generation!” he snapped. “I’m not used to this shit, okay?”

“You’re only three years older than me, honey,” Brenda said. “And I’m fine with it.”

“Yeah, well… I guess it’s probably different when you’re a man. And when your father is a Baptist minister. And when everything you’ve learned growing up says that there are boys and there are girls. Penises and vaginas, and one sex does not magically turn into the other one just because they say so.”

“Times change,” Brenda said. “And knowledge increases. The idea that there are only two genders is absolutely ridiculous. Science says so. And Malia didn’t just ‘magically’ turn into a girl.”

“Then why he got a dick?”

Brenda really loved Jonah, but sometimes she could just slap him. She thought he was too well-educated for this, but apparently not. “Not everyone born with a penis is a boy,” she explained, “And not everyone born with a vagina is a girl. Sure, a lot of the time… the majority of the time, the two do match. But every so often, the sex on the outside is different than the gender inside.”

“I wish I could believe that.”

“So Malia didn’t magically turn into a girl. She always been a girl. It just took her time to realize it and tell us. And there aren’t even only two sexes, honey. Do you have any idea how many different combinations of sex chromosomes result in viable human babies? Everyone isn’t just XX or XY, you know.”

“Yeah, well, that’s another thing,” Jonah said. “Sure, I trained in science, but it was all engineering. You know — math, trig, geometry, physics, calculus. But ask me about biology or genetics or any of that, I know nothing.”

“I know,” Brenda said. “I didn’t either, until my mother told me about what Malia told her. And god bless her heart, my mother — who was definitely born in times when these ideas were even more alien than they are to you, and who still sings in the church choir every Sunday — she was the one who educated my ass about it, and kept sending me links left and right on the whole subject.

“Your mother? Really?” Jonah asked.

“You’d never think it to look at her, right? Short tiny-ass black woman with the floral dresses and fancy Sunday hats, even wears her gloves to church and can beat the best of them at those hallelujah gospel singing moments. Yeah. That woman, my mom, taught me to love my other daughter, because she told me, every chance she got, that she’d be the kind of disciple that Jesus would have taken into his flock.

“And why not — that was his thing. He wasn’t about the rich or connected. He was all about the outcasts. Lepers, whores, manual laborers, whatever. That’s what Mom sent me, that’s what I read, and what I learned was enlightening. So… maybe you should let my mom have a chat with your parents…?”

There was a long pause before Jonah replied. “I love your mom,” he said. “I wish she were my mom,” then he laughed. “Shit, no, that’d be total hillbilly incest stuff. Oh, you know what I… and if I only had her to deal with, then, yeah, I’d be there in a second.”

“But you’re afraid of your parents,” Brenda announced casually. He replied with a shrug.

“You’re a grown-ass man with your own family, your own career, your own home, whatever… you don’t need their approval anymore.”

“Yeah, well, um… I’m their only son, and he is a very popular Baptist minister down in the community, so…”

“Now how do I read that?” Brenda asked, already knowing her answer. “Oh, right — he’s already bilked the hell out of his flock, is richer than Croesus, and you want to inherit all that filthy lucre when he kicks, so you’re not rocking the boat, and not accepting your daughter is worth it?”

Jonah said nothing, just fuming, as Brenda realized that they had yet again blown the intended format of their Grievance and Reconciliation Time straight to hell.

“Do you have any idea how much property he owns?” Jonah finally whispered.

“Which is more important?” Brenda whispered back. “Material shit your father only has because he bilked people in Jesus’ name? Or accepting your daughter for who she is? Even if you have to ignore using pronouns for a while and just call her Malia. Can you do that?”

Another long silence, and Brenda was surprised to see that Jonah was doing his best to stop from crying.

“I’ll try,” he said. “Really, I will try. For you — ”

Brenda sighed and gave him a look.

“Okay, for him…  her,” he replied.

“Thank you,” Brenda said.

Jonah looked off to the west, then suddenly sat bolt upright. “Holy shit,” he said. “Do you see that?”

“What?” she asked, following his eye-line. The black clouds far away over the sea had grown to cover more of the sky, meaning that they were getting closer. Meanwhile, out over the ocean, it was an almost constant barrage of lightning bolts flashing, although no thunder was reaching them. Neither of them had ever seen anything like it in their lives.

Brenda grabbed her phone and opened her local news app, where the weather reporter was frantically describing an unprecedented and unexpected front that had suddenly rolled up the coast, from Malibu south to Palos Verdes. There was a “Special Bulletin” banner across the bottom quarter of the image.

It had already made landfall in some areas, and was bringing heavy winds, heavy rain, severe thunderstorms, and even hail. Alerts had already been issued for people to shelter in place as far inland as the Central Valley, while people in coastal areas and foothills were advised to just evacuate to shelters ASAP.

“Well, at least we’re on top of a mountain,” Jonah said. “They say how soon it’s going to get here?”

“No,” Brenda replied. But I’d imagine that right about the time we start to hear the thunder is when we want to be inside.”

“Or, you know,” Jonah said. “Now?”

“There is one other thing,” Brenda added.

“Oh, now what?” Jonah grimaced.

“You might want to sit down for this,” she said, and he did. She proceeded to explain all the weird goings-on that had been happening with the supernatural entities and the ghost hunters and all of that. At the end of it, he just started at her blankly.

“So?” she said.

“So, woman?” he replied. “You been holding out news of the apocalypse on me?”

“Not at all,” she said. “I’m sure these two are not related, but I had to tell someone in the family.”

“Not related?” Jonah shouted. “Not. Related?! Look at that shit out there. If that isn’t some end of the world crap brought on because a couple of guys dressed like idiots pissed off the spirits, then I don’t know what the hell is!”

At that moment, they suddenly heard a distant rumble of quiet thunder that seemed to come from all directions and continue for a long time. They locked eyes and stood, Brenda grabbing the blanket.

“Run!” they told each other at the same time, and neither one of them had to say it a second time. They got home, went inside, locked the doors, found the kids and Esme, and then decided that they were going to have an all-night family movie night and the kids could stay up as late as they wanted.

Outside, thunder came again, this time noticeably closer.

On the other side of the continent, in a secure facility deep beneath the Pentagon, the agent on shift had been idly surfing the internet, as all of them did and had, every day and night for decades. The machine they monitored never received any messages at all. At least it gave him the opportunity to work on his great American novel.

Until tonight, when there was an abrupt signal indicating a message had been received.

“Oh, what the fuck?” he muttered, opening the inbox. He read the message three times, each time more slowly and carefully, then checked the date and time.

“Wow,” he finally exclaimed quietly before he grabbed the secure line in the room that went direct to the project director’s cell phone, no matter where he was. When the director picked up, all he said was, “Slingback. Credible and urgent.”

All the director thought was, “Fuck.”

* * *

The Teapot

Joshua and Simon had decided to commiserate over their absolute fuck-up with Danny/Preston with probably a bit too many edibles, a snuggle in the bedroom with a binge-watch of the old 1960s series The Prisoner, and a quiet cuddle, the sky to the east visible outside of the open blinds.

At some point, they got texts from the National Weather Service, and they were severe weather alerts, which they both read before turning to each other.

“Severe thunderstorms. Here?” Joshua asked.

“That’s what mine says,” Simon replied.

“Holy fuck!” Joshua answered, but coming from him it was an expression of joy, and Simon agreed. They both loved thunderstorms, which were too far and few between in Los Angeles in general, but in the Valley in particular.

“Suite B?” Joshua asked.

“Suite B!” Simon agreed.

In their particular building, there were two condos per floor, one on the east side and one on the west. Theirs were on the top floor, and while both came with lofts, they only used the loft in the front unit for storage of files, old equipment and whatever.

The main reason they had also bought the western unit, which they called suite B but which was actually Unit 2302, was for the ultimate in privacy — no immediate neighbors, and since it took a key to get to a floor, it meant no pesky outside visitors. They had also bought it in the name of the Foundation so that there would be no direct ownership connection to them, although they had paid for it via an anonymous donation.

Suite B was minimally furnished, but it did have computers networked to everything in their main unit, 2301. They had also set up the loft here as a kind of emergency outpost, with enough supplies, battery back-ups, and whatnot to keep them alive for a month with no outside support if necessary.

They’d both agreed that it was silly at the time, but also that it would really up the resale value.

The thing about the loft units were that they had both wrap-around windows, balconies on two sides, and skylights, and so from here, on the west side, they could watch the storm not only approach, but pass over.

They pretty much resumed their binging from where they’d left off, only this time, they had a front row seat for that glorious moment when either Zeus or Thor would march across the sky and teabag the city. The only light in the room came from the TV, but they turned that off as soon as the sky to the west started to light up like a bar at last call.

“Whoa,” Joshua said.

The entire horizon that they could see went a flickering blue-white for a good twenty seconds, then faded. Right about the time it faded, the barrage of thunder came, rattling the windows for about the same twenty seconds.

“Ooh… about four miles away,” Joshua said.

“Nice,” Simon added.

Joshua pulled up the local news on his phone, which was all about the storm. Santa Monica had already had about four inches of rain, complicated by a six foot storm surge. PCH had been closed due to landslides, and the canyons were experiencing flash floods.

“Shit. Wetter than a bottom at a circuit party,” Joshua said.

“Honey… eww?” Simon replied.

The sky went electric blue again, although they weren’t sure how long this time, and it seemed like it was only about ten seconds after it started that the thunder came, this time much louder and much longer, and the whole building shook.

Joshua held Simon tight, totally giddy. “My god, I can only get so hard,” he said. “This. This is weather. This is what I’ve missed growing up here.”

“Are you sure?” Simon asked him.

“Don’t tell me you’re not.”

“Yeah, but, what if we caused this?” Simon asked.

“You mean you and me personally?” Joshua shot back.

“No, silly. Humanity. What if this is all because of global climate — ”

Before he could finish, the sky above them went blinding white at the same time that thunder rattled downward at them. They could feel the bed shift and a picture fell off of the wall, the glass shattering. That bothered Simon a bit. It was a fanciful depiction of Russell’s teapot, a favorite of his among their artworks.

All the lights outside went dark, although their UPS kicked in immediately, so nothing even turned off. Sheets of rain started to pummel everything, and then hail started blasting onto the balcony and the skylight and the noise was deafening.

The thunder and lightning show kept on going, but Joshua just rolled over and held Simon tight, totally content. Simon held him likewise, and they both just smiled.

As long as the heavens were letting loose above them, the two of them were both in heaven. Well, okay, lying in each other’s arms had a big part to do with that, too. But the both of them together? Bliss.

The four-inch thick Plexiglas they’d installed in both the skylights also helped to assuage any fears they had of suddenly being pelted by ice.

The brighter the lightning flashed, the louder the thunder roared, and the harder the rain and hail struck, the happier they were. At some point during the onslaught, they both drifted off to sleep, not waking up until the morning, when everything outside their windows was a solid gray.

Their phones told them that it was almost 11 a.m., so the Sun should have been up. They checked the weather report, looked at each other incredulous, then strolled out onto the balcony. Since visibility was zero, neither one of them bothered to put on anything.

And the weather reports were true. The entire city and most of Southern California were now blanketed in heavy fog, and visibility everywhere was about two feet. All roads had been shut down, there was extensive flooding everywhere, and people were advised to shelter in place in case of emergency. The state had called in the National Guard to do overflights with infrared cameras and sonar in order to identify areas that needed immediate assistance.

“This is actually kind of cool,” Joshua told Simon. Although it was also literally cool. It was a summer day in L.A., but only about 65ºF out, and condensation was forming on everything.

“But what caused it?” Simon asked.

“I guess it depends upon how rational you want the explanation to be, right?” Joshua replied.

“As rational as possible,” Simon answered.

“Exactly,” Joshua said, realizing that they had somehow also modeled their working relationship on Holmes and Watson, the one big problem being that each of them thought of the other as Holmes when, in reality, they were both right and neither of them was the Watson.

“You want to go inside?” Simon finally said. “Because I think my balls just did.”

“Guess we’ll have to fish them out,” Joshua answered. They went back in, secured the doors, went back to 2301, and hunkered down to cuddle and watch all the news reports on whatever it was that had just passed over the city.

“Oh…” Joshua suddenly blurted at one point.

“What?” Simon asked him.

“Extensive flooding, including North Hollywood. I suppose that means that the Tesla is probably fucked.”

“Doesn’t that depend on how far up the garage the water made it?”

“If it’s four feet above the ground — ”

“Oh. Right. Oh well…”

They went back to watching news of the apocalypse. At least there were no reports of first-born sons having died. That would have taken Simon from Joshua, after all, and that would have just killed Joshua.

* * *

Image: Robert Stirrett, used unchanged under (CC) 2.0 license.